Some Observations, Rumors, Quotes, Sightings, and other things from the 1997 Greater Reading Open.

In a shocking, first time ever in Reading Open History, press conference the day prior to the Open, Pat "BRAINIAC" Herlihy boldly guaranteed victory. He even went so far as printing this guarantee on golf tees and arrogantly distributing the tees to the rest of the tournament players. In his swaggering Joe Namath style he backed up his words by blowing away all other golfers with a score of 72. Unnamed Members of brainiacs foursome were giving most of the credit to brainiac's exquisite caddy, Bubba, for the amazing victory. When confronted with these observations, the brainiac responded " He had nothing to do with it. This tournament is all about me."

Nikki "the Greek" Odagis once again pummeled the overmatched and clean shaven (his head) Paul Shingleton. The tournament committee has voted to remove the Greek from the women's division and permanently install the choke artist Shingleton in the greek's place. When asked how it felt to be beaten by Nikki, Shingleton said "you know, it wasn't that bad; in some ways I kind of like it."

Billy Morrissey, after carding his first par ever on his way to a 127, received some disturbing news when he returned home. Apparently his house arrest ankle bracelet (which he left home) malfunctioned and he had broken the terms of his probation and he will not be appearing in next year's open. Bill, good luck and we'll see you in five-to-ten, and maybe three with good behavior. Dave E-Boy Brennan plays horribly and fails to defend his title. When asked about his horrible play, he said " the slow play of Mike Worrell's death march foursome ruined my concentration. Those guys were clueless."

Kevin Country club Adelsberg could not make the event as he was reportedly playing in his club championship. The crack (no - not pops' crack) investigative staff of the Reading Open has determined that Ads was not actually playing in the club championship, but rather in a "C" flight division for all the losers at his club. Rumors swirling around Dolan's Pub the evening of the Open indicate that Ads' no-show at the Open was a manifestation of a deep rooted fear of facing his fellow Red Flash alum - The Brainiac.

Mark Brennan was the only no show at this year's event as he secured his first date (with a female) in 4 years. Sorry Mark, No refunds.

Lisa Kline was spotted buying earmuffs in the club house after playing nine holes with POPS. When asked about this she replied - "what?". The tournament committee has voted to provide industrial strength ear plugs for POPS' playing partners in all future events.

Rumor has it that Witzee has left his wife to cohabitate with the tournament director.

Mark "pretzel boy" Pollens arrives late, misses his tee time and is removed from his foursome. When asked about his tardiness, Mark answered "I thought I was going to work."

The Tournament Director has disavowed any association with the nick name process - "It was Witzee, It was Witzee." Anyone who was not happy with their name or would like to provide names for other golfers should contact the tournament director.

Controversy has raised its ugly head in the women's division. There was a catfight between women's champion Julie "tin Cup" Haus-Burns and Karen "eat-me " Tortellini over the score keeping antics of the former. Julie was quoted as saying "You don't count gimmees - that's why it's called a gimmee." When informed that you are actually supposed to count the stroke, Julie replied " if I knew you were going to count them, I would have put them in." Tortellini has vowed revenge and has arranged for Pat "Eraser" Burns to assist her with score keeping in next year's Open.

Rat was once again beaten by the Witzee (what else is new) and adding insult to injury he also lost to sibling pretty boy todd. When asked about his victory over rat, witzee replied "It was easy, he plays golf like he picks names for his kids (Hunter and Logan)."

To no one's surprise the last foursome once again won the Big money hole. When informed of this 13 year trend, Herb "wannabee doctor of statistics" Mcgrath said "That's very interesting. The odds on something like that must to at least 2 or 3 to 1." Yep, that's why he's going to Penn State.

The Tournament committee has installed Charlie "Girlie-man" DiBella as the early favorite (at 5/2) for next year's Open.

Next year's Open Is tentatively scheduled for August 1 at Twin Ponds. Send money in now (this means you odagis) to ensure a good tee time.