The festivities started on Thursday night as the Witzee and l'li Witzee came in form picksburg and kyle cruised in from delaware - hopefully next year he will drive himself.  The kids were all sitting around on their laptops so they wouldn't have to talk to each other.  But they eventually got bored and went for a 5 mile walk to Burger king.  It was dark by the time they got there so Luke and WItzee had to go pick them up.  When we got back to the house we had a quick fireworks display and then some cocktails before heading to bed and leaving Donovan in the kitchen cooking.  At 6:30 AM Witzee was rudely awaken and headed down to the airport to pick up some broad and her kid at the airport.  When he got back to the house the witzmeister could not control himself and headed directly for the hammock.   Pops rolled in  at around noon  with the Reading Open Champion Cup that he earned by carrying  his team to victory last year.  Seven of us (Pops, Witzee, Craig, Luke, Christian, Clay and Kyle) piled into the sienna van with 6 sets of clubs and lots of coolers.  John Miles met us at the course and when he went to buy a sixpack of beer kyle announced to everyone in the clubhouse that he shouldn’t bother to buy any beer as we had coolers full of them ready to go. The first 4-some started out with Craig l’il Witzee joining up with redneck Clay, Poker Christian, and Cigar Kyle in a scramble as a shotgun tournament was finishing up and the course was wide open.   Pops, Witzee and Luke teamed up with John Miles on a Schramble (it’s like a scramble but somehow different).  The squad may have used 17 of 18 of Miles’ tee shots in carding a 2 under par easily destroying the little pukes score of 7 over.  By the way – the kids started off so poorly they were forced to use Christian’s tee shot on the first hole but that may have been the last one they used.  After a quick round (about 3 hours) we headed back to the house for stromboli and beer while waiting to get the poker game started. Joe and Shane e boy had already arrived and had the chick magnet car (or is that just the chick car) on display in the front lawn.  O’Hare and Yose called about 20 times trying to find there way down from New York and ended up doing the circuitous route through downtown Reading.  They got there just as the kids basketball game was getting underway.  Sweat showed up a few minutes later and it took until 8 PM to get everyone situated and the poker game under way.   Click here to find out the surprise winner of the Poker tournament.  The game was over by midnight and this is when Ohare brought out the homemade high test Grappa and it was shots for everyone (over 21 that is).  Before we new what happened, Witzee and Donna were dancing in the dining room to the tune of  “Witzee’s Girl” with the crowd in the kitchen belting out the lyrics.  Then Witzee and the kids started playing some one card injun and that game later turned into a drinking game with Yose, Josey, the doll, and Witzee playing red or black – drink if you are wrong..   At about 1 AM, 2 young punks were strolling the neighborhood and must have seen the lights on so they decided to stroll in off the back porch and join Witzee in the drinking game.  Apparently they became enamored with the Witzee (who can blame them) and were having a good time when  fun Nazi Donovan wanted to know who they were and what they were doing here.  They said they graduated from Exeter and were now at Alvernia but the fun nazi told Lukie to get rid of the so he did and by 2 AM most everyone was in bed – 4 boys in the basement, Pops in the living room,  Clay in the family room, Yose and Ohare in Christian’s room, Josey tried the living room but pops snored him out and he ended up in Steph’s room, Donna was in the guest room and Luke and Karen were in their room.  But where was Witzee, where was Witzee – enquiring minds want to know!    

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The wake up call came at about 7 AM and nobody was too happy.  Trying to get all these people showered and fed so we could head out by 8:00 was turning into quite the task but team showers helped to speed things up tremendously  and the cocktail party was underway by 8:30 AM with a great turn out.  People came from far and wide with Miles from Atlanta, Witzee and Craigy from NC, Pops from Baltimore, grappa Ohare from NY, Cousin Jim from Jersey, Hinkie from Massachusetts, Yose from Connecticut, Camels from Delaware, and Derek the drunk from Rehab.  There were 7 father son groups there and the age range was seven  to seventy.  Things got underway a little late  (about 10 AM) as the group in front of us was running behind schedule.   This gave Hammerhead Harlow a chance to perfect his swing before teeing off.  The bloody marys were flowing freely and everyone was having a good time until the last 4-some made it to the first tee.  Bill “the quitter” Yuodsnukis apparently didn’t like waiting so long to tee off so he was steaming and when he got to the first tee he took out his driver, took off the head cover and was getting ready to hit when hinkie told him he better pick up the money bucket and put it in the cart.  Bill blew up and said he wasn’t gonna be anybody’s lackie “picking up crap at every hole” and then grabbed his clubs and stormed off the course.  Derek the drunk then went to the first tee and was having trouble standing erect and failed to connect with the golf ball on several attempts until hinkie (the voice of reason) told him to stay in the cart until the hole was finished.  Thankfully Hinkie took Derek to the pavilion and put him to bed.   The bad news was hinkie sat there at the Pavilion with severe anger management issues and as each 4-some passed by he spewed venom about his golfing situation.  After about 2 hours, the Yose 4-some added hinkie to their group and he got to play the last 4 holes and they all lived  happily ever after.

The round was very uneventful as the 2 favorites (the High Handicappers and Donovan's Heros) and were birdieing  hole after hole and the other groups were out of contention after the first hole.  The Poker King and the Boyz squad finished a respectable 4-over to keep themselves out of horse's ass territory.  Josey Howard wanted it noted for the record that witzee really sucks and he wants to play with the Boyz next year.   The last 4-some came in at around 3:30 and after pops posted the scores, it became apparent that the 2 top teams had tied at 9 under - not quite as good as last year's 11 under posted by Pops' squad.  Nevertheless, Pete reviewed at least 5 scenarios of card-matching that would make his team the winner (match cards by handicap, match cards going backward, match cards going forward, match cards by odd holes only, match cards by number of eagles).  The tournament director suggested splitting the trophy in half to find out who the real mother was but eventually it came down to a playoff.  The high handicappers (davey-boy, Miles and VJ Vingh) wanted to pick up Derek the Drunk for the playoff hole to replace  the missing Jerry Miles but that request was denied.  They teed off first and Miles blasted one that faded to the right and landed just behind the sand trap near the cart path.  Donovan's Heros (Donovan, Cuzzin Jimi no past, Billy-Bob and Pete-Repeat) Then teed off with Pete-Repeat driving one to within 20 yards of the green in the middle of the fairway.  All 4 of them then choked up and hit horrible chip shots with one on the fringe being their best shot at birdie.  The high handicappers had a much more difficult shot and they really choked up with VJ leaving a 35 footer for birdie.  The High handicappers missed their putts horribly  and then Pete-repeat stepped over his ball and dropped the 25 foot putt to bring home the championship for Donovan's Heros.

Now it was back to the Pavilion for the Awards Ceremony.

Hinkle won the longest drive (it took him 10 hours from Massachusetts) and received a spectacular Lucent Collarless shirt.  Yose won a nice flannel shirt for his long drive around the city of Reading while coming down from connecticut.   John Miles was rewarded with a fabulous detachable key chain  for his effort to make it up from Atlanta.  L'il Witzee and Bobby Clemens both won crying towels to help keep them drying while crying on the course.  Cigar Kyle won a lifetime "no cover" membership to Al diamonds strip joint.  After these bogus awards, it was time to recognize the players who won the skill contests.

Hole #1 - Accuracy Contest  - We couldn't find the card so Josey was declared the winner but was disappointed to find out that the prize was a firm hand shake and the adulation of the crowd.

Hole #2 - Closet to Pin - Billy-Bob hit one to 18 feet.

Hole#5 - Closest to Pin - Again the card was lost and nobody could remember who was closest, the trohpy went to Derek the Drunk who was still passed out and had yet to take a shot.

Hole #11 - Closest to Pin - Daveyboy dropped one to 10 feet but he left early some Jeff was declared the winner at 23 feet and seemed extremely surprised his name was on the card as he had no recollection of the shot.

Hole  # 13,  One of the most difficult par 3's in all of golf  - Little Joe McBride dropped one to within 13 feet (sounds a little suspicious if you ask me) and took home a trophy and a nice Agere Systems tie tack.

Now for the big Hitters

Hole #6 - John Miles blasted one 287 yards to take the trophy

Hole #14  - Justin "little cool guy" Zajko drilled one 263 yards (not counting the 100 yard advantage of teeing off from the red tees) to take the other trophy.  This was the only way to get cool guy to stay more than 5 minutes after his round was over.

Hole #10 - Tough Guy Drive.  JMO Howard drove one into the water and then hid the card so he would win and his debauchery was rewarded with one of Burnzee's old tee shirts.

Hole #17 - Unadvertised long drive - Pete-repeat smoked one around the dog leg and received what was left in the bottle of Popov Vodka.

Hole # 9 - for the Money - Frank Rauscher kept up the tradition of the last 4-some winning at least one cash prize by dropping a shot to 6 feet - 2 inches which beat out some sharon hill dude who was at 6 Feet - 4 inches.  $50 large to Frankie

Hole #15 - Closest to the pin - SECOND SHOT - Billy-Bob chipped one to within 18 inches after Cuzzin Jim drove the ball to the fringe - Billy Bob pocketed 50 large - no word on whether Cuzzin jim saw any of that.

Hole #18 - THE BIG MONEY - John Miles put one 18 feet from the pin with the second group out.  Surprisingly (no, I mean very surprisingly) this shot held up and Miles walked away with 100 Large.

The schrafer gang took high score with a 7 over 77 and received lovely parting gifts.

The High Handicappers took runner up with a 9 under but choked up in the playoff.

And the 2007 Greater Reading Open Championship  (with a weak 9 under)  went to Donovan's Heros

See you next year - July 19th!