In an unbelievable turn of events, the Heavy Favorite, Meats E. Boy, chokes up (much like tiger woods at the british open) and is never really in contention for the coveted jacket.  “I was concentrating on the money holes and I thought the tournament director would take care of the scoreboard…... he is the real disappointment here”.  In his wake (and a big wake at that) a relatively unknown from that golf mecca ,Sharon Hill, Bobby "Ringer" Clemens, wins the READING OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP with a rather pathetic score of 82 – the highest ever for a champion at Twin Ponds. He was very excited about winning the championship (after his daughter found him and woke him up)  But close scrutiny of the scorecards indicated some accounting irregularities as the firm of sweat, pops and  meats-two-times-twice  audited the leader board.

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Rat had another poor performance as “country club” Adelsburg crushed him in the country club division.  Rat blames his performance on the long pants-wearing Tuna Boy who wouldn’t shut the hell up.  And speaking of tuna boy he lodged an official complaint about his handicap with handicap committee chairman, the pops – the complaint was duly noted. 

 This may be the last outing at Twin Ponds as slow play became a major issue.  Hinkle and his foursome brought the course to a halt with their slow play letting 4 holes open up in front of them.  Hinkle seemed unfazed;  “Nobody was really pushing us from behind so I thought we were doing well” yapped hinkle after he finished his 5 ½ hour round.

 Sko had another dismal performance after being the early favorite in this tournament.  He attributed his failure to playing in the first documented 5-some in reading open history.

 On a brighter note we had the first wet tee shirt contest at the sprinklers on hole #12 – followed by the wet tee shirt final at the pavilion.  We will have to make this an annual event.  For the complete "Frolic in the Sprinklers" documentation - click here  

 Cuzzin Jimi “ No past” won the award for first to pay but he did so prematurely (the story of his life) so he typically would be eliminated; but seein as how he’s family, he was awarded a nice golf shirt.

 Dave Goss won the actual first to pay (after the official announcement) award and received a lovely stainless steel thermos.  Bill O’Shea cashed in on the “second to pay” award and was given 1000 hours of free AOL Service and some basket ball tickets for the Temple Owls.  

Tanya was the most improved golfer going from a 143 last year to a 135 this year  - in fact she brought the monster par 5 (#14) to its knees.

The best dressed award was a tie this year as the fashion plate Steve Cap failed to show

 Tanya and Holly tied for high score award at 135 but  instead of the typical trophy they were treated to a ménage a Pops. and then a quick lap dance - those girls are all right!!

 Rich eatburn played his first round ever and carded a 121 to pick up the most honest golfer award  - he also won the “best hat” award mostly  because it covered his entire face. 

After missing last year’s event POPS won the award for the longest drive (Baltimore 110 miles) and got a great gift.  It was great to have pops back!!  Pops also won a nice medical alert shirt for no reason at all.  

Sweat did a great job on the grill as usual (but not good enough for an award) and  rat gutted the pig like he was field dressing an elk – whatever that means.

For the closest to the pin awards, winners were as follows:

#2 - The Phantom

#5 - Bill Clemens

#11 Wolfshit??

#13 Paul Delaney

On the long drive holes, rat wins them all but he cheated by using the cart path so Ian "eon" Thomas was  deemed more deserving .

Hinkle won the biggest hazard award for bringing the course to a halt with extremely slow play  - if you get behind this 4-some next year - QUIT!!

Now for the important stuff - the money holes

#9 - For the 18th year in a row, the last 4-some took home one of the money holes as Bob McCarron's red headed step child ( who is actually older than bob) supposedly dropped one 6 feet 3 inches, just inching out the shot form the next to last foursome (6 feet - 6 inches) which just edged out the 7 footer that was there for most of the day. 

# 15 - Closest to the pin - second shot, Ben "poindexter" Polins wins the big money by dropping it to 28" or was that 28'.  Then the spoiled wyo punk throws his money around unlike his tightwad old man. 

#18 - For the Big Money  -  Meats drops one to within 8 feet or so his 4-some swears - he collects $ 87 out of the $100 prize - all in all, a good take for the Meatman

Now for the even more important stuff - the Champions

Ads won the country club division  (with a 72) in a walk over versus the rat, "Haftwoman" Haftman and cuzzin Jimi No Past.

Donovan won the ladies division with a 106 and tortellini was runner up with a 107.

Ben "Golf Camp" Polins wins the Junior championship with a 90 and is hereby eliminated from ever winning anything at the Reading Open again after it was determined  that he attended the exclusive Penn State golf camp this summer - we don't need those stinkin  wyo elitists in this blue collar tournament.

Pops won the senior championship (over 70 years old) with a 95 and though we didn't have an award for him we definitely have some Ideas for next year.

As for the Reading Open Champion - it was Bobby "Ringer Clemens  or was it?   An official investigation is underway.

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