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Brainiac Pulls Out

 

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Today, July 24th, Pat brainiac Herlihy announced, reluctantly and with a heavy heart, that he was pulling out (yeah - his old man should have pulled out also) of the 2000 Reading Open as he sustained a debilitating injury – it’s seems he got a little boo-boo on his finger in a tragic body surfing accident at the jersey shore. "I can’t even hold the club with both hands; it’s so bad, I’ve had to start whacking off with my left hand" – Brainiac explained. The injury did not seem to affect the Brainiac’s ego as he boasted " Even with one hand I could whip that pussy ADS" - but I have to go to finger therapy on Saturday or I would. Besides, if I don’t play it will give somebody else a chance to win"

Ads, contacted at Dolan’s later that night, responded – "It doesn’t surprise me -that punk’s been ducking me for years – you know what his problem is – he’s got no balls. I don’t ever expect that little weasel to show up when I’m in the field. He almost makes me ashamed to be a frankie graduate."

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Brainiac in happier times
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Brainiac after the devastating body surfing incident - I hope he has a good lawyer

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