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In a shocking turn of events, journeyman Mike Mauler Deal wins the 2000 Reading Open Championship as he runs roughshod over a less than stellar field.  Failing to show at this prestigious event were such marquee names as Stats, Jim Choke Snyder, scaredycat brainiac, witzee, jim the visionary, eraser burns and rocky ryan.  " I don't know how he did it, he must have 3-putted at least 10 greens" - carped one of his playing partners.

Steve "shakkin'' up with robski"  Burns came within one stroke of catching the Mauler by carding a 79  - rumor has it he was keeping score with his brother's pencil with the big eraser.  And he would have won the low net trophy if not for a last minute change in his handicap just before the trophy was awarded.

Steve "fashion plate" Cap wins best dressed award for second year in a row.

Rich "Devices" Dungan again wins the award for 1st to pay but fails to bring devices and has his 2001 automatic bid revoked.

Luke was awarded the "patience of JOB" award for playing with Pops not only in the Reading Open but also in the Pro/Am on Friday.  Mark Polins and son (dressed alike - what homos) were a close second for this award for enduring 18 holes with the salesman extrordinaire Joe Maguire and his young son all while Rat was hitting into them.

Joe "salesman" Maguire easily won the most honest golfer award with a record breaking 140.   And from interviews with other members of his 4-some - that 140  was "only counting the good shots".

The closest to Pin Winners

Hole # 2 - Tom "unemployable" Casey  - - ON THE SPOT

Hole # 5 - Tom "Needledick" Hearty - 37 inches

Hole # 11 - Joe "camels" Kemble  - the only one out of 58 golfers - at 102 inches

Hole # 13 - Either nobody was on or I don't remember -or just maybe we do have a winner

As for the money holes, sko, the guest who wouldn't leave,  wins the $100 CTP on #9 at 64 inches (or was that feet?), Rich Devices dungan wins the $100 CTP second shot on #15 at 18 inches,  And incredibly for the second year in a row the last foursome failed to win the CTP on the 18th.  Ken "cueball" Fimble won the $200 CTP on #18 (21 feet) and then blew the whole wad (and maybe visa-versa) at Al's Naked Joint

The long Drive contests were won by Paul "eng" English and Real Deal (what happened rat?).  Jimi "no past" Lynham won the unadvertised long drive on the 17th hole and won a bar of soap.

"Eat me" Tortellini wins her first Reading Open Ladies Division Championship with a 111 and invites Pops in for a little snack.

Ben L'il Brainiac Polins won the junior division championship in a runaway with a solid 110 - His old man sucked as usual.

The clueless 3-some surprised everyone by actually remembering to bring in all the closest to pin markers  - next year they will be moved up in the tee time line up from the last spot to the next to last spot   - provided they pay prior to the meet the players cocktail party.

Meatsie boy has a predictably horrible round but on a positive note he was able to assemble a foursome in which he was the one with the most hair.

Rat Binghampton broke the Stats streak of 10 consecutive wins by carding a 76 in route to the Country Club Division championship  - mainly because Stats couldn't make the event.

In the what might be one of  the biggest turn arounds in Reading Open history,   Nick " the crank" Piscoine won the low net championship with a net 55  (88 -33 handicap) after carding  a 111 at the Pro/am on Friday.  When asked if maybe he sandbagged on Friday - playing partner rat responded - "no way, he aint that smart"